Is it even worth it to try and summarize what 2020 meant for humankind? Probably not. You might think it is now too late to share resolutions and the likes, but it is just February and the pandemic remains, so I say this post is still fair game. This is what the strangest of years brought to my life in terms of challenges, victories and moonshots.
Kicking February off with a new hairstyle, a new outlook in life,
and a recently-mastered love language: speaking through my eyes
- Challenges -
The year started off with many expectations: trips, professional accomplishments, family milestones. They crammed on in an almost immediate future in a way that had started to cause anxiety. Within my first work week, I was also given more responsibility. Despite being a happy moment, I started wondering if I could rise up to the challenge and balance all the other aspects of my life, which felt like they were on a sure path to crumble down after the stress of overworking myself.
When March hit and the world was set on pause, I was relieved briefly from all of the responsibilities (some of them imposed, others, imaginary) that had ceased to exist. Nevertheless, as plans -mine and those of the people I love- were put on hold, a sense of defeat and loss took over. I was crushed by the stinging noise of dreams breaking.
Afterwards, the nightmares started: they haunted me at around 3 AM and made it difficult to go back to sleep. It was frightening, not because of those scary-movie-explanations, but because it meant anxiety and stress were creeping. The isolation brought to the surface many of my long-hidden ghosts: inadequacy, self-doubt, lack of forgiveness for my own past mistakes. It was hard to deal with them when I was limited by uncertainty and the four walls of apartment 1303.
Eventually, the bad dreams stopped, and it was easier to drift into Morpheus’s arms. Life reactivated slowly and with that, the demands of daily life followed. But as I write this, the battle with myself over the above-mentioned fears is far from over. Some days they hide from the inclement sun of gratitude and hope, others they are fueled by silence and the premature darkness brought about by daylight savings. Some of these deeply rooted concerns will linger far beyond New Year’s Eve, but I have an advantage now: the gift of awareness. Now that I know what to change, I have a plan to make it happen. This will be an ongoing task (as it is driving, the main topic that started this blog).
- Victories -
Saying I was radically transformed by the pandemic would be lying. But I did change and achieve some things that might seem irrelevant to others, but are trascendental for me:
- I read over 22 books since March and I plan on reading many more in 2021. Not only was reading a way to entertain myself, it was a way to travel away from the comfort of my home (having read books from Japanese, Afghan, Italian, Brazilian, Irish, Nigerian and Chilean authors), to strengthen friendships, and to challenge myself.
- I started enjoying and feeling the need to work out, which was a source of insecurities, guilt and conflicts in the past. The newfound energy, mental clarity and self-love felt après work out is nothing short of empowering.
- My family reclaimed a center spot in my life. Devoting most of my energy, time and love to spending time with them brought a whole lot of happiness, peace and gratitude.
- Although I was basically forced to do it, I learned and practiced prioritization. Once I embraced it, stress became more manageable and my mental health benefited from it.
- Generosity: 2020 presented so many health, social, economic and political challenges, on personal and community levels, that privilege felt dirty and unfair at times. Being able to share and give more of me not only felt great, but necessary.
- Meditating proved to be a rejuvenating way to start my days, especially those I knew were going to be nerve-wracking. It helped me validate my emotions, be less overbearing with my thoughts and more grateful about the little and the marvelous things.
Spending Christmas, all of us together, after 3 years was nothing short of priceless.
- Moonshots –
Whether 2021 brings more social distance measures or more freedom, on a personal level I long to:
- Overcome my fear of driving (this time for real)
- Find and a creative hobby and become good at it
- Practice one of my secondary languages in a native environment
- Incorporate exercise in my daily routine in a sustained way and with measurable results, while eating in a more mindful way
- Read 40 books
- Continue to take courses that strengthen both, my career and my soft skills
If you made it to the end of this post, you need to know I love you. Thanks for being among the people who encouraged me to chase this dream of mine in 2020. I hope to hear about your thoughts and dreams, too!
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