I turned 30 this year. This frightening milestone for many people (dare I say, even more for women) caught me exactly the way I feared most: far from what society expected from me, and you bet I got very existential about it.
It has been almost seven months since I officially joined the third floor, and I have been reflecting on how my views have radically shifted throughout the years. Growing up hurts so much, but I want to think it also makes you better. We tend to spend so much of our childhood wishing we were adults. And we spend so much of our adult life wishing we could go back to the simpler times of our youth.
But right now, I can confidently say, there is nothing I'd rather be than 30. It feels like the pieces are finally clicking, like the version of myself I've pursued is finally emerging, like I am most things I have strived to be. I think these are the times I might one day remember as the golden years.
I don't pretend to know it all - if anything, I am now more aware of my ignorance - but if I could go back in time, I would share these bits of wisdom with my younger self, to make her journey through this life easier:
1- It is ok to say no. People will continue to do so even if you do.
2- Set and protect your boundaries, as it is paramount to protecting your peace.
3- True love will make you feel safe, heard, and understood. It won't be dismissive of your emotions or run your heart dry.
4- Let people help you. You don't have to carry the weight of the world in your shoulders, and accepting help doesn't decrease your worth. Letting others give you a hand can feel so healing.
5- Learning to flow is one of life's most important skills. Sometimes life won't allow you to plan, and that is alright. Take life as it comes, don't resist becoming adaptable.
6- Avoid falling in the analysis paralysis trap. Don't overthink the little things (coming from someone who overthinks a lot). Just tackle one step at a time, and remember that, no matter what you do or don't do, everything will always be fine.
7- Listen to your gut. Understand it and be careful of your own power.
8- A friend to all is a friend to none. Being friendly to everyone doesn't equate to true friendship. Always be kind, but be cautious about who you trust and invite into your life.
9- Hug people and tell them you love them as much as you can. You will probably regret many things in life but not this.
10- Physical activity is essential. It will not only help you stay healthy, but it will clear your mind, energize you, and make your life better overall.
11- Give yourself the gift of authenticity. Don't censor yourself with the mirage of perfection and control, and don't stop doing things you are passionate about just because others think they are unimportant. Be yourself as much as you possibly can.
12- Use your youth and seasons of singleness to befriend yourself. Use this time to turn to your creative impulses and invest in yourself. Travel, work out, go to concerts, learn a new skill.
13- Having good friends is paramount to a wholesome life. Surround yourself with people with a zest for life who inspire you and bring you out of your comfort zone. Being surrounded by remarkable people will, almost imperceptibly, make you a better and happier person. And remember that to have good friends, you have to be a good friend.
14- Cultivate patience and discipline, and don't be scared to start something new. Yes, you might not be an expert on your first attempt, but the process of learning and becoming good at something is just as rewarding.
15- Take opportunities that can make your life better. Some never present themselves again.
16- Work hard to cultivate and grow the talents God gave you. Untapped gifts lose their luster over time.
17- Move in silence until your dreams become your reality. Learn who to trust with your plans.
18- Dare to dream, but don't be discouraged by your current reality. Bloom where you are planted without losing sight of your dreams. Use them as a compass: they will guide you to the version of yourself and your life that you desire.
19- No one knows what you are capable of better than yourself. Take external comments and criticism with a grain of salt.
20- Learn to laugh at yourself. Not only is it fun, but you will become indestructible in the face of bullying or mean-spirited comments.
21- Don't let the bad days get the best out of you. Cry when you have to (it's good for the soul!), but know the next day will always be better.
22- Journal and write all your memories, because it will help you remember the good times and put the bad ones in perspective. And, one day, you'll go back and see how wonderful of a life you have lived.
23- Save up. Be humble to ask for guidance if you are overwhelmed by financial affairs. Work on your money psychology so you can have fun with it while preparing for a rainy day.
24- Being in a relationship doesn't determine your value. Everyone is in a different timeline, and, yes, there will be times where it'll seem like everyone is in a relationship, getting married, starting families. These moments may weigh heavily on your heart and life, but remember your inherent value. One day, your turn will come, too.
25- Cultivate your sense of wonder. Embrace travel and the world's beauty, without overlooking the gifts of every day. Romanticize even the smallest, most burdensome chores.
26- Enjoy make up and fashion, dye your hair, indulge in trends, find the style that better reflects your uniqueness. However, it is forbidden to forget how gorgeous you are in your most natural state.
27- Don't suppress your pain or mask it by keeping busy. Learn to face what hurt you, either alone, with a friend, or with a therapist. The things that we don't work through, always come back to haunt us.
28- Allow yourself to become a multi-faceted individual. Just because you hold a certain position, don't miss out on pursuing activities that might be contrarian to it.
29- Be intentional in the things you own. Shopping is nice, but really loving and giving value to the things you own will turn them into actual treasures.
30- Don't forget that you are meant to evolve. Changing and growing up don't mean you are betraying yourself.
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